The Etiquette of Sending Flowers: From First Dates to Funerals
In a world where it seems harder than ever to communicate with one another, flowers remain a potent and universal language. Sometimes, it’s just easier to say it with flowers. Still, universal as flowers can be as a language, that doesn’t mean that all of us are fluent.
Sending flowers can be a powerful way for you to say something to somebody, particularly in a situation where words are hard; it’s important, though, to know what you’re saying with your flowers, and how exactly to say what you want to say. These are some of the common occasions on which flowers feel an appropriate form of message – and how best to approach putting an appropriate bouquet together.
1) First Dates And New Relationships
This is easily one of the most obvious contenders for a bouquet of sweet-smelling flowers. What better than a stunning display of sight and scent for a stunningly sweet first? Be it a date, a kiss, or a night spent over at their house. Something so simple is quite easily overthought, though; if you’re going to kiss, you should consider K.I.S.S.ing too – that is, Keeping It Simple, Stupid.
Simple and even subtle choices can go a long way to saying what you want to say. Eschew a big expensive bouquet (more likely to overwhelm than anything) in favour of a small, considered, hand-tied bunch. No fancy arrangements; just a simple posy of lightly love-themed flowers, that’s easy to set down somewhere while the real conversation begins.
2) Messages And Meaning
Speaking of themes, it should be apparent by now that different flowers are capable of saying different things; this is both for the meaning attributed by colours, and the cultural history with which certain flowers are imbued. Red roses are universally-understood as a symbol of love, as an obvious example. Indeed, there was an entire Victorian code of etiquette for flowers and their meanings, including flowers for ‘yes’ and ‘no’.
Of course, neither you nor your recipient are expected to remember such codes. Instead, use them and your intuition as a guide for putting a bunch together. Softer colours are softer in nature; bolder colours reveal bold intent.
3) Sympathy And Funerals
Sometimes, flowers are to share sympathy rather than to say something outright. Bouts of illness, hospice care and funerals are all situations where flowers can be appropriate – albeit, only if you take care with those you buy. As far as etiquette is concerned, and specifically with regard for funerals, a quick note to the funeral director could be a smart way to find out what works with the bereaved’s plans, without stressing them out.
4) Thinking Sustainability
Whatever the occasion for which you feel flowers may be appropriate or necessary, there is one through-line that applies to all – sustainability. This is a more important conversation now than ever, not just for the looming climate crisis but also for the industry-specific issues brought about by mass-horticulturalism and industrial propagation.
A good start for sourcing sustainable flowers would be looking into peat-free options; peat is a naturally-occurring substance in short supply, the harvesting of which is actively damaging to local wildlife ecosystems. The RHS is attempting to lead by example on the peat-free front, and asking your florist for peat-free flower options could be an in-road to better flower-buying etiquette long-term.
