So far, being single and child-free during the time of coronavirus isn’t entirely different to being single and child-free the rest of the time.
There are pros and cons and it’s a roller-coaster – but a much more extreme one in these strange times, with shorter gaps between the zooming highs and thundering dips and slightly more intense loop-the-loops.
And we’re all riding this roller-coaster, to be fair. But if you find yourself feeling ‘extra single’ at any point or your ‘single freak-out brain’ goes into overdrive, I’d like to take a moment to remind you you’re not alone…
Well, technically you are (LOL, sorry, couldn’t resist!). But seriously, you are really not alone. I mean your Zoom schedule is already giving you palpitations and it’s only week one!
Here’s a snapshot, in diary form, of the emotional roller-coaster of being single during the coronavirus pandemic…
Everybody’s talking about dating in the age of coronavirus. Scrap that nonsense. Weren’t dating apps doing your head in even when you were technically allowed to meet up? No thanks.
This self-isolating malarkey is actually quite handy, isn’t it? You’ll finally finish that novel/screenplay/business plan.
Social distancing is really important right now… AND, WAIT, YOU’RE GONNA BE CELIBATE FOR HOW LONG?!
At least you don’t have the stress of dealing with school closures and the whole family being cooped up together for weeks. Bullet dodged there.
Oh but hang on… so it’s just you and these four walls for how long? You won’t physically touch another human being for how long? What if you perish and nobody even knows? What if you get sick? What if you avoid coronavirus but die from hug-deprivation? You have literally never felt so alone.
Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto
It’s OK, panic over. You’ve already chatted to five friends, had two Zoom parties and FaceTimed family three times today. You have literally never felt so loved.
Besides – you’ve got a cat. Having a pet really is the greatest gift. May not be human but at least it’s another living creature you can hug. Seriously, this animal is all you’ll ever really need.
You can’t help but wonder, though, what dating apps are like right now? To be clear, you’re just curious. You really are not going to spend the next 12 weeks chatting to strangers. Nope.
After all, there’s that novel to crack on with. Once you’ve done some Instagram stories with the cat and rearranged the furniture again, you’ll definitely get going with that.
Keeping spirits up with fun playlists is really important right now… *Sonny and Cher’s I Got You Babe comes on and – oops, too late – here come those tears again. No, you don’t have anyone to hold you tight! NOW IS REALLY NOT THE TIME TO RUB IT IN, CHER!
*Finds cat for extra long hug.
You’re so grateful for all these group WhatsApp chats and video calls and whatnot. Nine ‘social events’ in one day – isn’t technology wonderful? Never felt so connected. Your heart is truly warmed.
Stare at yourself in the mirror for 48 minutes. There’s always emergency Tinder.
You’re not feeling remotely bad about not starting that novel/screenplay/business plan yet. If anything, you’re being sensible by not rushing it. After all, you’re going to have a lot of weeks to fill.
Plus, you’ve got another 86 video chats and phone calls lined up today. Anyone else craving a little alone time? LOL, the irony. So grateful (but seriously, can you just get five minutes to yourself?).
Ooh, a new Spotify playlist, this looks like an uplifting one… FOR GOODNESS SAKE STOP CRYING WOMAN!
At least nobody can see your puffy ‘just cried like a baby’ face. Got to embrace the positives. Although… no, not going to go there. Stop it brain.
Too late, you’re there – nobody can see your puffy face BECAUSE YOU’RE SO ALONE!
Oh, thank goodness – another 78 memes just came through on WhatsApp. Distraction, that’s what we need right now. People really are so creative and hilarious.
Which reminds you, that novel…
You should probably try and film the cat doing something cute first though.
Cat’s had enough and gone full-blown quarantine under the bed.
OK UNIVERSE – TIME TO STOP THIS NONSENSE NOW! Seems no-one’s listening though…
Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto